Well this was one scary day in my life. Words can never express the feeling of what i have gone through. It was the scariest moment and will be a traumatising memory for the rest of my whatever life is left. I have had plenty of failures but never had a failure that was done deliberately by me when there was so much at stake. I still remember this particular day that shook me. It was a AC/DC song that nature played on me. I was sick for a while and i told everyone concerning that something is not feeling right. Although i could never anticipate a perfect storm headed towards me. I was in Hyderabad, Banjara Hills not expecting that i will be a Banjara in terms of what i experienced.
Hyderabad November 20, 2013 will always be a integral part of my life. I dont know if things i experienced was for the good or bad. I still have to write about it in my log of what i have experienced. After clearing USMLE Step 1 with a average score i decide to head for Step 2 exams. While giving my examinations i sit with determination till the 7 th block. Determination was not enough to endure what i experienced. I started shaking through out and had no control of my body whatsoever. Things never made sense to me then and the story is still the same. Unable to cope with what i was going through i decide to step out for a while. Inspite of all efforts the problem still persisted. I somehow go again to proceed with the 7 th block but all efforts put by me were in vain. Eventually i decide to just complete all remaining blocks for the sake of it. I may be one of the very few people who might have solved 3 blocks of examination in 10 minutes in the history of USMLEs. As i walked i felt no remorse or anything. I thought it to be the "ACT OF GOD". I walked out expecting nothing in life. I felt nothing as a matter of fact, may be it is the shock of what i experienced.
As i leave the examination hall i head to Hard Rock Cafe in Banjara Hills as that was my plan. I kept my plan and was walking towards it. I felt no inhibitions while doing that. I go in with a state of shock and order a beer and burger which i gulped in few minutes. Then from there i head to Ooty as my stay was in the planned itinerary. I stay there for a week and come back. All to a extent was fine but was in constant thinking of what i experienced. I was confused in terms of it being a "ACT OF GOD" or something else. After me coming back i have had a battery of tests and met few consultants in Psychiatry and Neurology. I had been given a range of diagnosis that were all refractory to medications. I still somehow since then have managed 20 months of employment in 36 months and a weight gain of 30 Kgs. Everything since that day has been a uphill task and is still. The best part is that i am still alive. Although i dont know if i will live a full life as the diagnosis given is obscure. I have no complaints but so far i have managed to pull 3 yrs on since that defining moment which has shaken me to the core. Act of God according to me pulled its strings and all i have been doing is just observing. People think that i am loosing my mind. As far as i am concerned if that was the case i would have never been so lucid about it. I have resigned 2 times in 36 months and all i am doing is to keep my head above the water as long as i can. I have managed it for 3 yrs and don't know much in the future will i be able to do. The best part in spite of all this shit storm in me is that i have managed to live with it by putting a smile. I hope i can pull on further keeping my fingers crossed.
I am now officially 30 years since November 20, 2013 as i consider this day as some kind of a rebirth may be because i am not dead yet. I am now looking forward with what i have than crying with what i have lost. Life is unpredictable and i have always known that is what may be keeps it interesting.
This was one of a kind of a exam in my life and all have i to do is live with fingers crossed. If life gives you lemons make lemonade.
Hyderabad November 20, 2013 will always be a integral part of my life. I dont know if things i experienced was for the good or bad. I still have to write about it in my log of what i have experienced. After clearing USMLE Step 1 with a average score i decide to head for Step 2 exams. While giving my examinations i sit with determination till the 7 th block. Determination was not enough to endure what i experienced. I started shaking through out and had no control of my body whatsoever. Things never made sense to me then and the story is still the same. Unable to cope with what i was going through i decide to step out for a while. Inspite of all efforts the problem still persisted. I somehow go again to proceed with the 7 th block but all efforts put by me were in vain. Eventually i decide to just complete all remaining blocks for the sake of it. I may be one of the very few people who might have solved 3 blocks of examination in 10 minutes in the history of USMLEs. As i walked i felt no remorse or anything. I thought it to be the "ACT OF GOD". I walked out expecting nothing in life. I felt nothing as a matter of fact, may be it is the shock of what i experienced.
As i leave the examination hall i head to Hard Rock Cafe in Banjara Hills as that was my plan. I kept my plan and was walking towards it. I felt no inhibitions while doing that. I go in with a state of shock and order a beer and burger which i gulped in few minutes. Then from there i head to Ooty as my stay was in the planned itinerary. I stay there for a week and come back. All to a extent was fine but was in constant thinking of what i experienced. I was confused in terms of it being a "ACT OF GOD" or something else. After me coming back i have had a battery of tests and met few consultants in Psychiatry and Neurology. I had been given a range of diagnosis that were all refractory to medications. I still somehow since then have managed 20 months of employment in 36 months and a weight gain of 30 Kgs. Everything since that day has been a uphill task and is still. The best part is that i am still alive. Although i dont know if i will live a full life as the diagnosis given is obscure. I have no complaints but so far i have managed to pull 3 yrs on since that defining moment which has shaken me to the core. Act of God according to me pulled its strings and all i have been doing is just observing. People think that i am loosing my mind. As far as i am concerned if that was the case i would have never been so lucid about it. I have resigned 2 times in 36 months and all i am doing is to keep my head above the water as long as i can. I have managed it for 3 yrs and don't know much in the future will i be able to do. The best part in spite of all this shit storm in me is that i have managed to live with it by putting a smile. I hope i can pull on further keeping my fingers crossed.
I am now officially 30 years since November 20, 2013 as i consider this day as some kind of a rebirth may be because i am not dead yet. I am now looking forward with what i have than crying with what i have lost. Life is unpredictable and i have always known that is what may be keeps it interesting.
This was one of a kind of a exam in my life and all have i to do is live with fingers crossed. If life gives you lemons make lemonade.
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