Depression and its Roots.

                                                    I have never asked myself who i really am. It never rang a bell in my head to think about it. Who really am i is for people to think should never be the answer was my kinda thing. I remember saying dogs are going to bark, what are you going to do about it. I should know better than asking others about it and being comfortable in your own skin was my way to lead life. Over the past decade this unfortunately has not been the current trend. With this rapid urbanization/technology needs and demands have risen which i know is for sure. I am currently in the midst of it. Knowing it for sure is times better than partly knowing it. I very strongly believe in Monkey see and Monkey do. This trend will never see its end. Unfortunately i am wired into it. I am a number in the matrix and i dont see myself coming out of it. I feel that each and every human being is unconsciously wired into it. This basic entity makes us to crave attention and ask for peoples feedback/acceptance in a unconscious way. I feels roots of depression are deep in it.

                                     People falling in depression is usually because of expectations associated with he/she in life. If you cannot match up to the current trend it will definitely present itself and rub it on your face. This can present itself in many ways even if  you try your best. Altough i cannot ascertain this in every part of the world, it has its limitations. Like a tree having its roots, i feel any psychological problem is predominantly and solely on the basis of a persons mental roots. Places that are far away from modern human civilization will never get the wind of it is what i think. I generally tend to recall one day in life so vividly whenever i come across a topic related to depression. It was told to me by a fellow passenger in the train while travelling to Kerala that even if you want to stay away from depression it is never going to leave you. It will follow you and find you some way nor the another. What he was trying to say is people around you will come to you and make you feel depressed even if you dont want to. I know for sure that Kerala is one such state in India with these beautiful unique inbuilt qualities. As i kept on talking with him i was told that Kerala is the state that tops in depression in India. Many of the unemployed in Kerala are on antidepressants, which was in 2003. I really never paid much attention to it and the conversation went one from thing to another. I knew for sure that the place where you live in is generally associated with the levels of stress tension and fatigue. I really dont get why the government/people in Kerala should come up with the slogan "Gods own country". Gods own country has a growing cesspool of filth in it. Out of all the names to be chosen this is the best slogan they can come up with. If it is Gods on county does it make you special, i don t think so. I know that for sure because i would not be sublimating my thoughts on it.

                        Recently i came across a malyalam movie Puthiya Niyamam starrred by Mammoty which highlights this current problem. In one scene of the movie they were making fun of a yesteryear female movie stars depression in marriage. People even if they get and try their best will eventually find themselves depressed. To my luck after watching the movie i them got my hands on a weekly magazine which highlighted Kerala as the third highest state in India for suicides. The whole vicious event has to take place eventually and it never surprised me. Today while going through the paper i have come across another new fact which is associated with depression. Kerala now tops third in the countrywhen it comes to substance abuse followed by Punjab in the first position, This topic is so interesting now that they have come up with a movie Udta Punjab. The government had thoughts to stop screening/censor the movie which was a hot topic for debate. I get the state government point that it should not be shown in bad light because movies always leave a impression and stereotype which they are aware of. Either way the movie is going to see its light of the day tomorrow and i will be definitely going to see it.


  My tomorrows experiment with the movie is to test my hypothesis that it is the environment alone which is responsible for depression. Inorder to ease the mental agony/pain associated with it substance abuse play an important role to perform day to day activities. I may not be right but then i have come up with a theory which is Man is made up of steel and we all are Superman (Man of steel) pun intended. I dont feel stupid when i think that i am Superman. The reasons behind to back my statement is that it is the iron in the blood is responsible for production of hemoglobin. 65 % of iron in the body is hemoglobin which is responsible for bringing oxygen to the tissues. I dont need to talk about the role of oxygen in the body as it is self explanatory. One thing we all know is that we need air to breathe. Anyways the rest of the 30 percent of iron is stored as ferritin in the reticuloendothelial system.This is for sure the distribution of iron in the body and i have given tonnes of it to pregnant women as many tend to be iron deficient. I know the process of iron getting its rust is usually attributed to the air in the atmosphere. Iron oxide is rust and iron sulfide is aka fools gold. Looking at these general principles i think it is the air in the environment that can affect fellow human beings too. A human being too can get into this cycle of rusting as we have iron in the body. I know that i scavenge things that are not for any use and i have never comes across any object with steel/iron in it that has not gone through the process of rusting.

So in short my experiment for tomorrow is Hava mein udd raha hain vs Udta Punjab.

I have come across few lines today which i need to keep in mind for my tomorrows experiment,

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit - Khalil Gibran

We cheat ourselves when we cast the efforts and scholarship of someone else - James Faust

If somebody is better than you learn from them and enjoy others success. No one can all have the good qualities. Someone will always be better than you at some level. Do not whip yourself with comparison. - Swami Sukhabodhananda




                                     

Conjugalring 2 - The movie

I know that i can talk on any topic without making any sense. I feel that i have some kind of gift of gab when it comes to talking crap. I dont think what people have to say because i really dont care. This  is how it has usually been on any given day. I need to pass time that is the primary objective. Speaking of passing time there is one place when i keep quiet which is usually while watching movies. This is one place where i try my level best to keep my ears open and get something to talk about. I have lost the count in terms of talking about movies, series, plays. I usually recall these movies in my own world of fantasy. At times i had the chance to even role play certain characters. I usually used to be the antagonist in all enactments. Living in the world of fantasy has its own benefits although yesterday after watching Conjuring 2 changed my attitude. I really dont know what to say,  left speechless not by the awe the movie has offer or sense of flight, fright that you get while watching a horror movie. It had everything beyond general apart from entertainment that the movie had to offer, People watch movies to loose themselves in fantasy.

                                                                             Conjuring 2 changed my pattern of thinking. I have heard of Amityille although not proven scientifically that something like evil exists, world goes about living their lives. Amityville is how the movie takes it start. I have luckily seen the movie Amityville Horror  featuring Ryan Reynolds. During the end of the movie he looses it after spending few days in a haunted house. Fine may be hysterical neurosis or any other kind of explanation is what i get  as a take home message. People loose it at times, using my rationality watching Conjuring 2 was nothing else than entertainment. Alas comes the moment, i usually never wait to watch the credits at the end of the movie. I liked few songs played in the movie so i waited standing in the theater all alone with no one in it. They were showing real people who were played by characters. I really never thought about it till they say at the end of all the credits that this  movie is based on actual true events. These actual true events have taken place in Enfield, England. I lost it for a while as i was alone reading that in a big dark room. I think this can be one of the attributed reasons when it comes to people loosing it. After coming out i realized that they should have told it right at the beginning of the movie which should have made it more interesting.

                                                         I know in real life there are things that you cant stomach and that i mean is literally and scientifically which is otherwise Hypertrophic pyloric stenosis. In this pathology a child cant take in food at 4-6 weeks of age. He/She usually presents with vomiting after feeding. The same thing applies when you watch movies based on things that you have not seen in real life, There is even a expression that says "I dont have the stomach for your nonsense". I have been on the receiving end countless number of times, so i know it. I usually show a lot of interest and make up my own stories when the topic of Paranormal activity comes up. Yesterdays experience  has left some kind of impression on me. I know that pain has a pathway and scientific reasons that a person he/she experiences pain. I have heard about psychological and physical pain. Pain in the body can be quantified. If this is for real i will be left speechless. I will run short of words as i am for sure will be in a dark corner not knowing what the hell is going on, The antagonist in this movie is BAAL. This character has been even referred to in the Bible. BAAL is present both in the Old testament (Numbers etc etc) and New testament, If he is their in real life as the antagonist, it is time that i better keep quiet and not indulge/engage in the genre of Horror. Rest of it i guess will be fine but not horror. My take home message was SILENCE IS GOLDEN when it comes to the genre of Horror. If he is really out their and he/she needs to be punished he may then come to give you  a conjugal visit.and take you for a ride. I should practice this but then old habits die hard but i am a creature of habit.

Looking at the mirror, Virtue (Virchow) of Ignorance

I have been always told that change is one thing that is constant in life. It was no big deal for me whenever i used to think about change. Change can be in many different ways. If you really look at change it can be for the good or for bad. My existence in life can be defined by only one word "mundane". Getting up in the morning, looking at my face in the mirror, etc etc doing the regular chores and getting on with life each day at a time. I dont know how much of  a change do i observe on a daily basis. I feel nobody on earth really looks into it, measures the change he has seen in himself each day whether it be growth of hair, nails etc etc. Thinking about change the apple really does not fall far away from the tree, how much can i really change.

                 I can never change the biology associated which makes me who i am. I say to hell with change, just like Kanye West says in the song Power that I am a asshole and will always be one. It is not that people will start liking you more if you change, They for sure know that you are a asshole and it would be good to stay as a asshole. I feel assholes around you may like you more than ever because you have not bowed down to pressure. No matter how much ever i try things are not going to change. In the series House MD, there has always been reference to People cant change. I get what he is trying to say although change is inevitable. Like it or not i will end up seeing it. I feel that if behavior is really a problem then there are people to look into it.

         

 I have come across people who say i can see right through you, which puts enormous fear in me. I can notice my heart rate rising in leaps and bounds. I end up in word salad thinking about it bur then as time passes how much of a difference is it going to make. He/She has already made up their mind. I know one thing for sure that every man has reserved judgementsssssss for people around them. Trying to figure a person out is like opening a can of worms which is there is in the holiest of all. I have come across people who paraphrase things i say, in order to win a argument. Things told dont have the same meaning in different scenarios. Like it or not blood is going to spill yours and mine when things go out of control. How much control do i really have in life.

There are so many things that happen which really cant be explained, If a person likes to click so that
he can be heard there is something out there which can take care of the given situation aka the Trigger finger. How things are going to work against a person can never be explained. Crisis which we are in is for all. Things which i see on the surface does not bother me which can be garbage, dirt, antisocial behavior. As time passes and when it starts to establish its presence all i do is think about it. I call it the stagnation crisis. No body really looks at the surface, half the world is superficial. When superficial is replaced with deep then comes the problem. I can think of an example here, it can be a supremacist who thinks that he is better than all and when his presence is established with his multitudes of followers people start to think about him. As long as it in his deep subconscious which i and many have it in their own ways it is not a problem. Only when it rises from the deep subconscious to the surface there is always tension. In other ways i call it the Virchows triad in Pulmonary embolism which there is vascular stasis, endothelial damage and hypercoagulablity that bring about death if there is a massive pulmonary embolism. Things that are deep which end up in the surface always ends up in problem.

In other words i am in some kind of Virchow of Ignorance. Virchow of Ignorance is the only change i can think of in my own bubble. I for sure live in a bubble, aka Bubble effect.

     
                                                 

Glutton for mutton

Glutton !!!!  I really dont know why being a glutton should have anything wrong in it. I have always regarded gluttony to be a part of my life style. The world always has put a label on everything, things to do and not to do. Being in this dilemma has always been a uphill task. I strongly feel that the urban and semi urban lifestyle is strongly concentrated and thrives on this concept. Having few possessions is never enough when it comes to living in this world. I have seen so many people feeling happy because mental satisfaction and therapeutic properties that retail therapy provides. As far as i feel, people are running from pillar to post to satisfy their material needs in life. Depression has deep roots in it when a person is not able to keep up with their expectations. There are quite a few people who fall prey for it when they cant attain their mental nirvana of getting what they want to get. This problem has strong roots in the concept of being a glutton. Having few things in life is never enough and vice versa. The real crux of the problem is even highlighted in movies and series like Confession of a shopa

holic, Mike and Molly, Morello in Orange is the new black. In real life too many have fallen victims to retail therapy and abundance that life has to offer. I guess Solomon in the bible got it right. Being a glutton definitely has a lot of serious consequences, no wonder they have called him the wise king.

Looking retrospectively i have seen things happening in my life, overindulgence in alcohol etc etc has given me serious consequences in life. I feel that the human body knows better when you have exceeded limits. I have a feeling that valves in the human body are something like speedbumps which keep a check on things. When valves stop working all hell breaks loose. People start to experience things that they have never experienced with minimal residual effects to their lifestyle. For a moment they are confused unless and until they see it in them which is a classic example of varicose veins, I met this guy who never knew anything about varicose veins and its implications. It really did not bother him much and he neglected it, As time passed it started to engorge which eventually put a halt in his day to day activities. I feel the same thing happens to us in life. Things in which we indulge has a check valve mechanism attached to it. Initially we dont notice it but as time passes by all what we have strived and toiled for goes in vain. All efforts were in vain and Varicose  veins i think go hand in hand. I have a feeling that there is something common in it. When we fail to acknowledge signs of failure in the check valve mechanism,we eventually halt.  How much impact this halt is going to have depends on how much a person has indulged in  his sinful desires which is GLUTTONY.

I dont think i can ever come out of this. Glutton and me go hand in hand and i indulge in it inspite of knowing the consequences it will have in my life. I feel that i am not the only one  who is in this mess. I guess wise thinkers have got many things right, but none of it is my cup of tea,. I unconsciously will indulge in it inspite of knowing it. I guess that makes me a FOOLISH HUMAN,

I know that it will eventually bite me in the ass saying i told you so. I am who i am is not who i am,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, should have been the credo. 

Every coin has two sides. Hail Caesar !!!!!!!!!!!

I am for sure know that every coin having two sides. I have seen the same thing in every walk of life. Altough observing it in every walk of  life, i have come across something very interesting today is we have 2 sides of coin in us. It is integrated within us. All we can see is one side of a coin in our day to day lives. The same thing applies to any individual as a whole, inner beast within us is never revealed unless and until it gets the best of you. Being used as a door mat or being pushed brings out the beast in you. Out of all this which we see so superficially the same this is within our cellular, molecular level which is the cycloxygenase/lipoxygenase pathway that is derived from arachidonic acid in our cell membrane, All have it integrated in our cell membrane phospholipids. All what i have noticed people who just breathe and do nothing have the lipoxygenase pathway activated on coming in contact with an allergen which makes breathing difficult and might lead to eventual death if not dealt with it. On the contrary  person taking efforts and pain have their cycloxygenase pathway activated. Cycloxygenase pathway activated leads to production of prostaglandnin that causes pain, Eventually it is the pain that leads to gain. The gain because of all that pain makes you to see the light at the end of the tunnel. At the end of the day it is the attitude of the person that makes all the difference. I was one told by a stranger about the roads which we take are classified in into broad and narrow roads . Broad may seem easy and may you reach your destination, but one thing that you will notice majority of us will choose it and a very few will choose the narrow road which makes all the difference. Looking at this major concept it rougly translates with adequate proof of concept that 1 percent of the worlds population are rich and others are not. At the end of the day it is the out of the box approach that makes all the difference.